if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
