Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
