so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I have tasted many bathrooms
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
