I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
