go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
