note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
His nipple licking is glorious
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