Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
