Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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