I think I am morally bankrupt
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
