I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
