If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
