have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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