**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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