There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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