You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
