every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
