Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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