Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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