If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
