i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
