I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
