The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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