So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
