how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
