The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
