I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
