I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
