I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
