I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
