Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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