In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
