i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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