Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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