Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
