R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
