i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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