Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
its not stalking. its research.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
