I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
