his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
