Small penises have feelings too.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well I just put wine in my tea
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
