And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
