He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The power of my boobs compel you
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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