somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
