Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
