i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
