This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
