Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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