I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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