but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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