Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
