I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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